Why Do People Leave?

I love Toastmasters and can't imagine myself giving up my membership in the group.  However the reality is that most people do choose to leave Toastmasters at some point.  Why to people leave such a wonderful organization?  There are a variety of reasons, some positive and some not so positive, which I believe fall into four general categories.  In this post, I reflect on these categories and their implications for those of us who remain in Toastmasters and want to see its membership grow.

1.  They got what they wanted.  Some people join Toastmasters for a very specific reason.  Perhaps they are looking for a job and want to refine their interviewing skills.  Maybe they just got a job where they have to give more presentations and they want to gain the speaking skills and confidence they need to do well  There could be one specific event they want to prepare for, such as a wedding toast or a conference speech.  Once such a member feels their goal is achieved, they are faced with a choice:  Do they stay in Toastmasters or do they move on to something else?  

Some of us (ie me) choose to remain in order to engage in the continuous development that Toastmasters offers while others choose to move on to other growth opportunities.  As much as I wish people would continue to grow in Toastmasters, I understand that it is possible to get what you wanted and call that good.  This, in my opinion, is the most positive form of departure.  Someone who got what they wanted out of Toastmasters is likely to speak highly of the organization and recommend it to others.  Though we may lose a member who "got what they wanted," we still have an opportunity to gain many more members through their testimony.  In my opinion, if someone is going to leave, "I got what I wanted" is the top reason I'd want them to give.

2. The time isn't right.  Everyone has priorities.  For me, Toastmasters is a pretty high priority.  For others, they see the value in membership, but have other higher priorities.  Though I would advocate in many cases for Toastmasters moving up in someone's priority list, making Toastmasters a higher priority is not going to work for everyone.  Someone leaving due to priorities is not something that fills me with joy by any means, but it is something I can understand and respect.  Such a person may very well come back later.  I've heard plenty of stories of people joining for a short time, leaving, and then coming back later only to stay for years and years.  Everyone is on their own journey and if it isn't the right time for someone to join Toastmasters, I'd rather have they wait until the time is right than to have a bad experience.

3. The way Toastmasters works isn't what they expected.  A Toastmasters club is not a class, nor is it simply a speaking organization.  People don't always realize this when they join.  Sometimes this results in Toastmasters being better than expected.  For example, someone may not have realized that feedback is such a core part of Toastmasters, and yet come to appreciate the value feedback brings.  This is an example of a positive deviation from expectations.

Unfortunately, I have seen cases where people were not clear on how Toastmasters works before joining and end up not liking what they find it to be.  Most often, I've seen this happen when people expect more explicit guidance like one would find in a class (which Toastmasters does offer through Speechcraft) and don't embrace the self-guided experiential learning of Toastmasters.  In such a case, I feel we as Toastmasters have failed because we have not communicated clearly to this member what to expect.  When such cases arise, we should reflect on how better to explain and demonstrate Toastmasters to prospective members so that they understand the effort they will need to put in to get value out of Toastmasters membership.  I think it is good that Toastmasters requires effort from the member, but if people don't realize this before they start, they may depart feeling unfulfilled.  Setting clear expectations of what Toastmasters is and is not is critical.  As with the timing example, I'd rather have someone decline to join Toastmasters entirely than end up leaving because they didn't understand what would be expected of them.

4. The club did not offer a good experience.  This is the worst reason of all for a member to depart and is the reason we should seek to avoid at all costs.  Any club that is not living up to its mission to "provide a supportive and positive learning experience in which members are empowered to develop communication and leadership skills, resulting in greater self-confidence and personal growth" is bound to lose members in the worst way. In these cases, the member likely would have stayed had they joined a club that actually offered what Toastmasters promised to provide.

Poorly run meetings, conflict with other members, and lack of support can easily drive a member away. Every member of Toastmasters deserves quality meetings, resolution of any conflict, and support in achieving their goals. I never want to see people leave due to a bad experience, and if they do leave for this reason, I want to know about so that those of us left behind can try to do better, and maybe even find a different club that the departing member will actually enjoy.

Unfortunately, clubs often don't know why a member left. Was it a positive departure where they got what they wanted or a situation where the club made a mistake that they should fix in the future? It can be difficult, but I believe it is critical to ask people why they are choosing to leave. Even better would be to ask them what their experience is like before they leave so that any issues related to deviations from the intent of the Toastmasters experience can be resolved. To this end, I would like to encourage clubs to start conducting "stay" and "exit" interviews with their members. We don't know what we don't know, and asking people for feedback on their experience will only help us make that experience better. Afterall, feedback is a core part of Toastmasters!




I love Toastmasters and can't imagine myself giving up my membership in the group. However, many people will choose to leave at some point. When that happens, I hope to learn why the person left so that we can see the good we are doing, know if there is something we can offer that person in the future, and continue to grow in our own ability to offer a positive experience to every Toastmasters member.