Communicating about Communication Styles

The Toastmasters Pathways project I am working on now is "Understanding Your Communication Style."  It's a project I've done before, but it is always interesting to revisit as it challenges me to think about how I prefer to communicate.

What I found most interesting this time through is that word I was thinking of to describe my communication style ("direct") is one of the options the project presents, but it is not the one I scored highest in.  Though my scores were all pretty close to one another, my highest score was in "initiating."  As it had been a while since I read the descriptions of these different styles as Toastmasters defines them, my initial reaction was to be a bit surprised.  However, when I read the descriptions of the different styles, I had to agree that "initiating" fit me best.  I found nearly every aspect of the description of "initiating" relatable, whereas the descriptions of the other styles were more "hit-or-miss" in their relatability.

This got me thinking... how do we communicate about our communication style?  I initially thought of myself as a "direct" communicator because I like to be open and honest in expressing myself.  I try not to beat around the bush.  And yet, based on the "Toastmasters" definition of "direct", saying I am a "direct" communicator would mean that I don't like to share my feelings and that I prefer a formal environment, neither of which are things that resonate with me strongly.  They are also not things that I would consider aspects of what I would term a "direct" communicator.  I think of myself as a "direct" communicator in part because I tend to be open and honest (ie "direct") about what I am thinking and feeling.  For me, sharing emotions is a part of "direct" communication, but not by the definition of "direct communicator" provided by Toastmasters.

This is the challenge with using terms like "direct" or "initiating."  These terms could mean one thing to one person and something completely different to another.  Labels like these are only useful if we agree on what they mean, and too often we do not.  When communicating about how we communicate, it is more helpful to say things like, "I want us to remain focused on the results we are trying to achieve" instead of "I like direct communication" OR "I respond strongly to praise and approval from others" instead of "I am an initiating communicator."  These extended phrases are both used in the Toastmasters definitions of the corresponding "direct" and "initiating" communication styles.  Are they the first things you think when you hear someone say they are "direct" or "initiating?"  Maybe.  Maybe not.  That uncertainty is why it is so valuable not just to apply labels, but to explain what we mean by these labels.

Labels, categories, and terms can be useful, but only when we have a common understanding of what they mean.  To achieve that common understanding, we need to communicate clearly and openly, some might say in both a "direct" and "initiating" manner.  Explain what you mean, and make sure others understand and you will be able to successfully communicate your preferred communication style.